Just you? ha!

This is the post the bloggess  put up today http://thebloggess.com/2013/09/is-it-just-me/


Basically this is how I feel, minus all the medications. I am too poor for medications.
It's not that I am so fundamentally depressed that I think the world would be better without me in it, it's just that I feel like I don't do anything, contribute or add anything to it. I just exist. I float through each day on a fog of numbness and complete lack of motivation to do anything other than the bare minimum.  I can put it away for a little while at a time, be normal for hours, sometimes even a whole day or two but it always comes creeping back.
I can sit on the internet for hours and not do anything, pretending to engage with the world.
It's not that I am an internet addict, I do just find without it. It just gives me something to do other than lay on the couch or sleep. Otherwise I find myself wandering around the house, looking at all the things I should be doing and pretty much going Nope to every single one of them.
I have the best family in the world because they put up with it like it's normal. My kid goes and keeps herself entertained for hours WITHOUT causing widespread destruction and panic. My husband quietly goes about doing all the things that I can't motivate myself to do.  I love them for it and I hate myself for making them be that way.
Not to get all political, but this is sort of the reason I am looking forward to the new health care system. I can't afford healthcare, my husband is a freelance artist and I work part time. Hell even when I did work full time I couldn't afford healthcare. With the new system I can go see a doctor, maybe by this time next year I will feel normal. I really, really want to feel normal.


Alright...enough of a pity party.
Here is to more optimistic posts in the future.